I was a newly-married, 19-year-old when I found out I was pregnant.  I was ecstatic; my then husband was angry and fearful.  My husband forced me to abort our baby the day before Thanksgiving 1998.  He took me to the abortion clinic in Iowa City.  I saw a pre-abortion counselor, who was a student at the University of Iowa, she was a freshman and younger than I was.  This student was present at the abortion procedure, she held my hand and my husband stood on my other side. I couldn't look at him.

When the male doctor entered the room he never introduced himself, looked at me, and never even said what he was doing when I felt sudden painful pressure inside of me.  I started to inch backwards away from the terrible pain, the doctor called a nurse in to help hold me down. I started saying, "No! No! Please don't make me do this. It hurts. STOP!"  As my voice rose, the doctor told me to "Shut up!"  When the abortion was finally over, I walked to a recovery room, where a 12-year-old child was bouncing up and down she said, "I did it grandma, can we go get ice cream now?"

I had so much hatred towards my husband for forcing me into the abortion, but much more for myself because I was so weak.  My husband started beating me just days after the abortion.  The abuses continued for the next five years of our marriage until I left him, after he attempted to take my life.  By the time I left my husband, my body and soul were in tatters.  I couldn't step foot in a church, every time I tried I fell to my knees crying. I felt I that I did not deserve love, that I was the worst person on the planet, no one else's sin was greater than mine.

I turned my sadness into a deep tunnel of loathing. I never thought I could find my way out.  I started binge-drinking heavily, cutting, and eventually had several attempted suicides.  I became Catholic in 2004, shortly thereafter I found a pamphlet on my parish bulletin board for Rachel's Vineyard, a retreat for post-abortive women and their families.  I went to the retreat and found the beginnings of a light that could help me out of my tunnel of hell.  In 2006 at the urging of my new husband, I attended a Bible study for post-abortive women at a local crisis pregnancy center, Aid To Women. Here is where I first heard about the SILENT NO MORE AWARENESS CAMPAIGN.

I had been unable to become pregnant again due to extreme scarring and infection I suffered from my abortion.  In the fall of 2007, I gave birth to my daughter, Rachel.  Everyday I see the love and forgiveness that is possible, even after the transgression of my abortion.  I hope you to will find renewed comfort in the arms of God.