In 1966 at age 22, I had just graduated from college and had obtained a great job working in the library in New Haven, Connecticut. I lived in a cooperative house where I met a young graduate student from Yale and fell in love. One month later, found out I was pregnant.  I knew nothing of birth control or abortion.  Both were illegal in my state and abortion wasn't legal in the country.  My boyfriend told me to go tell my parents.  I did not want to because I knew they would be horrified.  My dad was a retired rear admiral and my mother was very socially conscious.  But, I did tell them. My father handed me a note saying, "Get an abortion in Puerto Rico!" My mother just was in a state of shock.  When my boyfriend's mother called, she said, "It's just like having your tonsils out."  (My boyfriend told me she had seven.)

The library found out that I was pregnant. They told me to get married or quit.  My boyfriend’s mother worried that he would lose all his scholarships. Together, our parents arranged for an abortion to be done by my boyfriend's mother's doctor in Brooklyn, New York.

My mother took me on the train. I thought I was just going for a checkup to see how far along I was.  The doctor told me I had 10 minutes to decide, because he was there to perform the abortion.  He told my mother it would cost $1200.

I ran outside into this strange neighborhood.  I tried calling my boyfriend.  He was at the clinic getting tranquilizers for himself, so I didn't get to talk to him.  I called my psychiatrist. He told me he thought it was the best thing to go ahead with the abortion.
I didn't know where I could go for help.
I went back in. The doctor took me to the room. As I undressed, he told me how beautiful my body was and proceeded to give me a D and C.  He placed the baby in a jar.  I can't remember whether it was a boy or girl; I now call him Liam.

As we were riding to the subway, with the doctor, he pulled out a flask of whiskey and offered it to me.  I could not stop crying.  We had to get a hotel room because my mother was too embarrassed to take her hysterical daughter on the train.  She asked me why I was weeping.  I told her I was afraid I would never be able to have children after an abortion.  She said that was not true; she was able to have me after the abortion she had at age 18 when she was 6 months pregnant!

All of this was too much for me to handle.  I sobbed, uncontrollably for a month.  Finally I entered a state hospital.  I was in there off and on for two years.  My boyfriend dropped out of grad school and was hospitalized also, but not as long.

I suppressed all this for at least 25 years. During that time, a friend and I opened a pregnancy center and I have volunteered at a local one near my town.

I believe abortion is the number one cause of world, national, local, and family problems.  Everyone has been affected by it.  Many millions of people are walking around wounded by its psychological and spiritual effects.

I am in my early 60's and recently attended a Rachel's Vineyard retreat where I found healing. I hope you will, too. Here is a link to the Rachel’s Vineyard Ministry web site is www.rachelsvineyard.org.