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Prayer Has Changed My Life

Philip A. Young
California, United States

My life has been shaped by children who were never born. I was conceived after my mother had lost five children to miscarriage. As an adult I can better understand how this affected my father’s ability to emotionally bond with me as a child. After losing so many children to miscarriage, he was distant from me—the child that finally made it. We weren’t able to get past that distance until very late in his life. And I always felt that someone was missing in my family’s portrait.

As an adult who was living far from God, I made tremendous mistakes. My sexual sin produced children who became part of our throw-away culture. Three of my children were aborted that I know of and I participated in their death. I suspect there was one other that I wasn’t told about. Another was lost to miscarriage.

I am grateful for the two living children I have been given by God to love and see to adulthood who are married and now have children of their own. I love being a grandfather. But my life has been shaped by ten children who were lost before they could even be born. The short little lives of my siblings and my deceased children have affected me deeply, both spiritually and emotionally.

A number of years ago I encountered the pain of the loss of these children. The Lord gave me an image in prayer that has changed my life. I saw myself as a lonely little boy sitting in a room all by myself. I asked Jesus to come into that room and be with me, but He hesitated. I asked Him why and Jesus said, “Philip, I can’t come in unless the children come with me.” I knew instantly who He was talking about. I welcomed in my miscarried siblings. I confessed the grave sin of partnering in the death of the children I’d conceived and then aborted. Jesus entered that prayer image surrounded by ten laughing children. I named each one of these children and my wife Cathie has adopted them spiritually. We know we will see these children again in heaven. It’s good to be free. And better than anything, it’s good to know that these children aren’t lost anymore; they are alive with Jesus and they are alive in my heart also.

Philip A. Young
(Philip is a businessman and an active layman at St. James Anglican Church where his wife, Cathie, is serves as an Anglican priest. Both are involved in life-affirming ministries and outreach to post-abortive men and women.)

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