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Testimonies
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The Arms of My God
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Kim
Tennessee,
United States
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Upon telling my mother that I was pregnant at age 16-17, I was not given the choice to do anything more than to have an abortion. Once I told her she simply said, “You know what you have to do, don’t you?” I was thinking about maybe going to Chicago and staying with my sister until afterward, but that wasn’t an option. I seriously didn’t know that much, if anything about an abortion and I certainly didn’t know what it would do to me mentally and emotionally. I don’t think anything can prepare you for that.
I don’t remember as much about the actual procedure as I do being taken to the hospital by my sister-in-law where I was led into a dim-lit room with a bed up against the wall on the left side of that room. It was cold in more ways than one. I remember lying down and nothing after that. It seems I was a bit groggy on the ride back to my sister-in-laws house.
Immediately after the abortion I stayed with my sister-in-law a few days. The man who financially supported the abortion—the father of the child—dropped in for a few minutes just to see how I was doing. The feelings that I encountered from the after-shock came much later. I think I was too young and numb to really know how I would be affected by it.
As time went on after the abortion, I felt so much guilt and shame. I felt very unworthy of love from anyone and it was not anything I was at liberty to discuss or talk about with anyone. It was something I carried for years. Meanwhile, in hopes of forgetting for an hour or so, I turned to marijuana, drinking, partying and being in and out of relationships.
After years of one bad decision after another, I began to search for healing in my life through turning my heart over to Jesus Christ. This was something I did in 1979, however, at that time, I did not know anything about the relationship HE wanted to have with me, only the religious part of it all. I knew I needed him and somehow deep down, I knew that if I was ever going to be alright, HE would be the One that could help me.
It took me several years to come to the realization that after confessing my abortion to HIM, that I could actually take HIM at HIS word. I had been forgiven and cleansed of all that I had done wrong. Somehow healing began to take place in my life, not overnight but that was my fault, not HIS. I began to participate in Bible study groups for women. I also participated in Celebrate Recovery (Search for Significance, along with another study) and HIS forgiveness and cleansing began to sink in. I didn’t know how it was possible, but I do know that it is possible. I don’t want anyone to suffer, especially alone, as long as I did with the guilt and shame. I was handicapped for years because of that and it is my heart’s desire to tell that one who feels so ashamed and singled out over the decision to abort a child that they are not alone, there is forgiveness, redemption, restoration and cleansing for such a horrible act. God’s love is unconditional and HE so wants to heal the hurt. I rest knowing that my baby is in the arms of my God!
To view Kim's testimony on YouTube, click here.
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