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Testimonies
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For Eternity
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Marilyn
Puerto Rico,
United States
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I had an abortion because, I already had a son and I was a single mom living with my mother and the baby’s father was not a responsible guy. My mother had abortions and family members, friends and my mother told me I had to abort, if not I'll have to leave or she will kick my belly to abort. She was really bad with me.
During the abortion procedure, I was crying; something was telling me that what I was doing was wrong (I now believe it was the Holy Spirit) and I regret the moment I did it. I ran to a church around the corner and I started telling God I was sorry. Neither I nor my family had ever been to church before. I cried for a long time.
Then again, a couple of months, later I was pregnant again. My mother told me I had to abort again. Two months later, I was pregnant again! I don't know what happened since I was taking birth control pills provide by Planned Parenthood. They did my abortions, too and I was in shock. “How could I be pregnant again?” I said to myself, “I can't do this.” I didn't tell anybody I was pregnant until I was five months along. I had my daughter. I think Planned Parenthood gave me pills with low estrogen—I heard they do that; they have a plan to get at least six abortions from every teenage girl.
As time went on after the abortion, I felt and experienced guilt, sadness, crying and feelings of loss.
I became pregnant again in 1995. In Puerto Rico abortion is legal, because of the commonwealth relation with United States. I was pregnant, now still a single mom, going to college and having a hard time raising my kids. This time, I decided to abort my child. The father wanted me to keep it but I just could not. With this abortion for the first time I felt relieved afterward.
As time went on, I had problems bonding with and caring for my existing children. My relationships with men were filled with anger and no love.
Abortion hurt me physically and emotionally. I was invited to church and in the altar I cried a lot. I felt love and Jesus was my new love. He started to change my heart and heal it. Five years passed since I started walking with Jesus. One day, God talked to me. He told me that He wanted me to start helping women with crisis pregnancies. God didn't tell me to go save babies, He said go help women with crisis pregnancies. If you change the heart of the abortion-minded woman with love, you save the baby.
God loves us as women. He cares about us and still loves us if we kill our children. He just wants us to ask him for forgiveness and repent. And we need to forgive ourselves, too. And from our own experiences, He wants us to not stay quiet—our testimonies will help save women and the unborn. For women who have had abortions, there is hope; He has an encounter with your children in heaven. Jesus is taking care of Ray Jr., Jesus, and Alondra in heaven till I get there to be with them for eternity. God Bless You.
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