My name is Michael.  In 1982 my wife--Tracy--at the time was abusing me.  This began within the first 30 days of marriage and continued for three years.  It was during this time that she became pregnant.  When she was having morning sickness--while working in a nursing home--she asked a nurse for some Tylenol.  Because she was getting sicker she thought the nurse had given her Tylenol with codeine.  She went to the doctor to get some medication to counter the codeine.  She took this for two weeks before our doctor suggested she have a pregnancy test.  It was positive.

With the medications she was on and the fact we were so dysfunctional we decided to get an abortion.  Six months or so had passed when the Holy Spirit touched my heart and I had a conversion about the abortion we had.  I'm sorry to say she did not.  Later that year, she had an affair with a co-worker and got pregnant.  Why she shared that with me but she did.

She informed me that she was going to have another abortion.  I tried to talk her out of it and that I would be willing to raise the child with no obligation on her part.  She refused.

It was from that time on that I became more and more depressed over my loss.  I began missing hugging my child and later telling him that he had become a fine young man.  Over time this became a constant thought in my mind to the point I would be in tears.

Twenty three years later, I met my loving wife Maria.  While dating I shared with her my abortion.  She also had a past that caused her pain for she had worked at an abortion clinic.  We were seeing a counselor for our pre-wedding issues.  The counselor told us about Rachel's Vineyard.

During the weekend of the retreat of which, I was the only man there in the group that had an abortion, I was in tears most of the time.  They were tears of released pain from so many years of suffering.  However, as the weekend continued those tears turned to tears of healing.  At the end of the retreat, the group had to make a small talk about the weekend and how it had helped.  I volunteered to be first.  I got out about two words when my heart took over.  I could hardly finish my talk.  It was like I was talking directly to my son.

Today, I still have times when I miss the ability to give my adult son a hug and tell him what a great job he has done with his life.  The pain though has passed and for that I am very grateful to my Father, Son and Holy Spirit for leading me to my wife and to our counselor.

May those who have had an abortion and have yet to seek help--woman or man--I hope this might help you move through your pain.