I had an abortion when I was twenty.  I was never 100% certain that I wanted it and the wait was so long that as I went outside for some fresh air, I was on the verge of walking home.  I picture myself doing it daily.  My boyfriend of the time informed me that Huntington’s disease ran through his family and if he had it, there was a 50% chance that the baby would also have it.  I tried to be responsible.  I found out as much as I could about the disease and how much it could potentially make my baby suffer had they inherited it.  Looking back, I wish I’d looked more into the rapidly developing embryo inside me, the fact that it already had a beating heart and the fact that there are many people out there who have the disease and live quite happily. 

I was driven to the clinic, went to sleep with a baby inside me and woke up without one.  I have never felt so empty.  The NHS informs you that you might have feelings of sadness and regret, but that they will subside in a couple of days.  Sadness and regret is still with me eleven years later and not a day goes by that I don’t think about my baby and what they might be doing now, had I carried on walking.  Every year, I break down on the day I went to the clinic, whereas if I’d carried on walking, I could be celebrating my child’s birthday.  This is something I have to live with for the rest of my life.

I don’t blame anyone for considering abortion as I know it’s such a difficult decision and it’s not taken lightly. But if you are considering one, I want to tell you my story so that you don’t have to go through the same heartache and so that your baby’s heart can continue beating. 

I haven't forgiven myself, but I want to do everything I can to stop other people suffering like I have.