Nothing in my life prior to my first abortion could've prepared me for the emotional exhaustion I've experienced throughout these last thirteen years.
I've had two abortions. One I went through is extremely vague in my mind, but the other I'll remember forever.
I was eighteen years old when I had my first abortion. It was my decision and my parents supported me. I was so young, my boyfriend broke up with me, and my family and I had moved to a different state. I was trying to adjust to a new atmosphere and a new life, and at the time couldn't see how a child could fit into it. Being the age I was and having no religious background I saw no other way out.
I have a difficult time remembering the procedure but I do remember a feeling of relief afterwards and that’s the unfortunate truth. It wasn't until after my second abortion that relief would no longer have any connection to that part of my life.
At the age of twenty-one years old I was pregnant again. My boyfriend didn't force me to have an abortion but he strongly encouraged it. I went to Planned Parenthood and what happened before I entered could've had an entirely different outcome had I arrived just two minutes later.
I remember parking behind Planned Parenthood and having to walk around the side to the front of the building. The front of building faced a major street where pro-life advocates would stand to protest. My boyfriend dropped me off and as I walked alone I heard people talking louder and louder the closer I got. I looked up and saw two women holding signs, one with a picture of an aborted child that was difficult to make a clear image of and the other saying “women do regret their abortions.” The closer I was to the front and to them the more I could understand what they were saying. “Please don't go in there! There's another way out! You don't have to do this! Please let us talk to you!” I literally stopped and thought about it for a few seconds and just when I got the nerve to face humility and listen to what they had to say, hoping for another answer, a Planned Parenthood doctor came up behind me, put his arm around me, and said, “Don't listen to them. Come with me. You'll be just fine.” Had I arrived two minutes later, after the doctor had arrived for his shift, those women most likely would've changed my mind and I might be sharing this life with my ten year old.
After that abortion I cried instantly and the nurse said “Oh, it's okay. Most women cry after this procedure. You'll feel better soon.” Well, soon never came. I'm still waiting for soon to come and I think the only way I'll get some relief is if I help prevent other women from possibly making the biggest mistake of their lives.
However, I've found comfort after joining the Catholic Church and by knowing God's love for me and my little children up there. Also, with the amazing support of my husband and other pro-life activists, I'm finding it easier to live my life with less emotional battles and a little more peace.
Thank you to all who support this cause and help women like me break through our silence so we can find happiness again.