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EXPRESS YOUR REGRET

Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously

I regret my abortion(s)

I regret lost fatherhood

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The path of healing

Shawna
Saskatchewan, Canada

I grew up in a very dysfunctional home where I experienced physical, mental, emotional, and sexual abuse. As a teenager I made poor choices and numbed out the pain of my home life with drugs and alcohol. During this time I was placed in juvenile jail twice.

At nineteen I became pregnant and had an abortion. I knew nothing about fetal development and the consequences abortion would have on me. I remember going into the hospital and getting into an elevator. I had then completely blocked out everything from my mind leading to the actual procedure. I remember right after being in a hospital bed in a room and feeling like I had killed my soul. I was extremely hungry and thirsty and was given a piece of toast and a drink, and was pretty much sent out the door afterwards. My friend picked me up and I got into the car and noticed in the mirror how pale I was. I looked like a ghost. I had extremely painful raw cramps, and heavy bleeding following my abortion.

When I got home, the shame and guilt I felt led me to choose harder drugs and to drink more to mask my pain. I became promiscuous and felt like trash. I was placed in jail again, this time for crimes done because of the anger I had in my heart. When I got out of jail I became pregnant again which was an atonement pregnancy. In my mind I wanted to replace the baby I lost to abortion. I had a beautiful baby boy, and started to turn my life around. All the pain of my past led me to church and I ended up going to a youth retreat. God touched my heart in a profound way at that retreat and filled me with a desire to seek Him. This led me on a path of healing. My journey eventually led me to a Rachel's Vineyard retreat, where I finally was able to forgive myself and let go of all the shame, guilt, anger and unforgiveness I carried for years.

I can't change the fact I lost my first child to abortion, but hopefully my story can prevent others from making the mistakes I made. This is why I am Silent No More.

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