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Testimonies
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Men Need to Know
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David
Indiana,
United States
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We had an abortion because we thought another child at the time would have complicated our lives and were not sure we could afford it. Upon finding out we were pregnant I was actually excited about having another child. A few weeks later my wife said that she did not want to have the baby if I was not there to support her. I had just finished graduate school and was working long hours at my first job out of school. I remember thinking "it is her decision" at the time and wanted to support her, especially knowing how driven I was to succeed in my career.
Going the abortion clinic was like going to any doctor's office. There was a survey we filled out on demographics and reasons for getting the abortion. No one ever tried to talk us out of it or offer other options. After the interview we sat in the waiting room with 10 or so other people waiting. Again, just like any doctor's office with magazines. They called my wife in and I waited, not sure how long. I read magazines while I waited for her to be done. When she was finished she was quiet and never talked with me about what happened. I never asked her. We were quiet on the way home and that evening. I remember her eventually crying uncontrollably that night and that was the first time I really started feeling regret.
The abortion was a turning point in our lives. I threw myself into work and ended up supporting her even less than before. We both turned to alcohol, she more than I, and suffered from depression for many years. This started a cycle that ended up with my selfishness occupying my time with little room for the daughter we had or for our relationship. We ended up getting divorced about six years after the abortion, after several attempts at counseling. I was denying my own issues with alcohol and other addictive behaviors. I fell into my own extended battle with depression. Our daughter also suffered, without knowing about the abortion, as she was reacting to my inability to be an effective father. To this day, we are still estranged. She did find out about the abortion and blames me for it.
When I finally realized my life was unmanageable, I reached out to God with the help of some friends. That journey helped reconcile me with the Church, and I was eventually able to confess the sin of participating in an abortion and receive absolution. That process has started me on the road to healing and now I can focus on atonement.
I make a point now of participating in 40 Days for Life and like using the sign "Men Regret Lost Fatherhood." I am silent no more because men need to know they will suffer from abortion. They unjustly place a scar on the woman by making her go through an abortion, and it is not just the woman's decision - half the child's DNA is theirs.
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