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Testimonies
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Running from Myself
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J
Texas,
United States
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At 17 I became pregnant for the first time with my boyfriend’s child in 1981. I had sworn in to the US Army to become a legal clerk and had high ambitions. In the meantime, before entering the military, I had been drinking and partying and felt that the baby might not come out healthy. I was also ambitious to enter in the US Army and did not want to postpone my enlistment a year, so I made the choice to end the pregnancy. Planned Parenthood said, “it’s just tissue,” “it’s no big deal, “it really isn’t a person or a baby.” I told my recruiter about my being pregnant. He said that the job that I signed up for would no longer be there a year from now and that I could not get the same deal that I had signed up for. My Army recruiter encouraged me to have the abortion. My boyfriend told my dad and stepmom about my pregnancy, and my dad said that Greg could not afford to support me and a baby. Greg’s parents told me not to have the abortion and that I could live with them. Those people did not like me. They both drank heavy and were not good people. Greg begged me not to have the abortion. He was really set on having the baby. It really affected him poorly, even though he knew he could not support the child.
Greg’s parents drove me to Planned Parenthood in Los Angeles. I felt ashamed and humiliated afterwards. They were mad that I got rid of the baby. I was even more ashamed because they had to make another very long trip to the clinic because I got a really bad infection from the abortion and got really sick with fever. They put me on very strong antibiotics and birth control which made me really sick and have horrible headaches as well.
I had terrible relationship problems with Greg after this abortion. We ended up getting married while I was in my first year of the US Army. We had our first child together, yet we were not spiritually connected. After our first child Bridget was born I got pregnant after missing one birth control pill. I was so upset and so desperate. My husband was drinking and smoking pot and not working. I was the sole support of the family. I went to the abortion clinic and the doctor who delivered Bridget in the military hospital in Ft. _______ did the abortion to the baby I was pregnant with. The doctor told me (I guess to make me feel better) that because I just had a c-section that I probably would not be able to carry this pregnancy to full term. In my heart I did not believe him yet, because of my Army career and my poor relationship with Greg, I decided to go ahead with the abortion.
I was 19 years old, was the main bread-winner, and, even though I was married, it was as if I was a single mom because my husband was an alcoholic/drug addict. My husband Greg begged me not to get the second abortion. He pleaded with me, yet I was drinking, was depressed, and was unable to cope with many other issues that befell me in the Army. I went ahead with the abortion because Greg was drinking and smoking pot all day while I was working. I could not see myself as a single mom raising two babies alone. Not only did I endure abortion, but I endured sexual assault and sexual harassment while in the Army. I was dealing with many things that were hurting my heart, mind, and soul at this time that kept me unable to cope with life on life’s terms for many, many years. I knew having an abortion was the wrong choice, but I didn’t want to face it. These two abortion choices often flashed back on me, often times of depression, which led to drinking, promiscuity, low self-worth, and wanting to run from myself.
Since February 24, 1988, I have been a member of good standing in Alcoholics Anonymous; I am an active member who attends meetings 3 to 4 times a week. I am an active VA patient who receives care from the VA hospital and attends groups and individual counseling since 2005. In November 2014 I was introduced to Rachel’s Vineyard and completed a 3 day seminar in Amherst, TX. RV allowed me to heal the death of my babies and to complete the healing through the baptism and naming of my children. This allowed God to breathe His legitimacy to both my boys. My current husband of 23 years adopted both of my daughters. He also came to the last day of the seminar and has adopted our boys spiritually. He is now the father to all four of our children.
I am currently in the process of getting my 1st marriage annulled, after 23 years of marriage, getting re-married in the Catholic Church, and then getting confirmed in the Catholic Church. All are happening because I want to be able to take the sacraments in the eyes of God after I went to RV retreat. I have been freed. God is merciful and full of Grace. We cease fighting. We surrender to God’s Will for us.
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