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Testimonies
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A Heavy Price
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Dale
Ontario,
Canada
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My name is Dale Barr and I’m from Cornwall, Ontario, Canada.
Terrified and pregnant at 16, I sought my parents help. It’s been 35 years and I still have repressed memories, deeply buried in the unconscious.
Numerous unanswered questions compelled me to request a copy of my hospital record, which revealed my case was heard by a panel of doctors called a “therapeutic abortion committee”. They signed a document stating, an abortion was indicated; as the continuation of pregnancy would endanger my life or health.
Post -abortion, a heavy price was paid - physically, emotionally and spiritually. For 10 years, I was in denial and worked hard at keeping the memories hidden. I went from straight A’s in grade 11, to barely passing in grade 12 and struggled through college but managed to get my diploma in nursing.
Dependence on drugs and alcohol and promiscuity became a way of life. I stopped going to church. Abortion memories were triggered, while attempting to conceive after getting married. I miscarried five babies and thought I was being punished by God.
Healing has been attained through the church and organizations such as, Rachel’s Vineyard and Silent No More. God has been merciful and forgiving and has blessed me with an amazing husband, 4 beautiful children and the gift of being a nurse.
God’s abundant mercy to me has allowed me to be merciful to others, including those who hurt me during my abortion experience. As a nurse in a hospice, I was faced with the task of caring for the nurse who had tended to me after my abortion. From what I recall, she had been very mean to me. She was admitted to the hospice, close to death and extremely agitated. As soon as I heard her name, I knew who she was because I remembered seeing her name several times on the hospital record I had. My whole body went into fight or flight mode. I had a choice to make: would I use my energy and emotions for retaliation or for resolution? I chose to show her mercy, saw her through God’s eyes and was able to allow her to die with dignity and peace. It wasn’t easy but I was able to show her compassion because God had already shown it to me.
I regret my abortion and feel called to share my story of hurt and healing; and that is why I am Silent No More.
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