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Testimonies
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Natural to Grieve
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Clinton
Ontario,
Canada
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My ex-girlfriend and I were sexually active from the beginning of our relationship. We had no plans to have children -- ever -- and we always used contraception. But when the contraception failed, she was suddenly pregnant. Even though we were atheists, my girlfriend and I knew intuitively that our child was really alive, but we didn't want the burden of a baby. We considered adoption as an alternative to abortion, but maternal health concerns -- whether well-founded or not -- caused us to choose abortion. We acted quickly, so our child wouldn't reach the three-months-gestation threshold, which we thought was significant in some way.
The abortion took place at a Morgantaler abortuary in Toronto. We went there. I paid money. I sat in the waiting room. Then she came out and we left. We didn't find out if our aborted child was a boy or a girl.
One night, sometime after, I remember shedding a single tear for our dead child. In a way I can't describe my girlfriend and I became estranged after the abortion. Something that had been living in our relationship -- perhaps faith in each other -- was gone and could never come back. Our relationship ended within a couple of years.
Many years later, after I married and became a Catholic, the reality of being a father hit me and wouldn't go away. So I started attending the Second Chance Post-Abortion Healing Ministry in Toronto. I accepted responsibility for the killing of my child and -- very importantly -- named my child. Chris is the name I chose, because I don't know my child's gender; God knows. Second Chance showed me that it's natural to grieve for our aborted children, to accept our parenthood of them, and to love these children as much as we love our born children. And it's right and natural to accept their love for us; they remain a part of our lives forever.
Fifteen years after we broke up, I was unexpectedly contacted by my ex-girlfriend, Chris' mother. She asked forgiveness for the abortion and told me that she had become a Christian; I, too, asked forgiveness and told her that I, also, had become a Christian. That was a miracle: two atheists finding Jesus years after breaking up and going their separate ways. And then it occurred to me that our aborted child had been praying for us. This gift from God, received through Chris, is one of the reasons I am Silent No More.
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