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Testimonies
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Not Ashamed Anymore
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Charlene
Virginia,
United States
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I have had three abortions. Two were to prevent shaming myself and my family. I was raped at the age of fourteen, and thus, the promiscuity began.
By the age of eighteen, I became pregnant by who knows whom. I went to the clinic by myself. It was horrible. I just felt very alone. During the procedure, I could feel the intense pain and watched my dead baby's pieces being sucked down a tube into the jar. I was numb afterward, and a lot of women were crying. I was living at my sister's and just went to bed like nothing had happened. My parents knew nothing, not even where I was.
I got married at 19. I also had an affair. I felt so guilty that I got a divorce. I started drinking and doing drugs. I had a breakdown and tried to commit suicide with tranquilizers. My father found me and took me home. Five years later, after a failed deliverance ministry, I became pregnant from a one night stand. The counseling pastor said to my mother and me that the child was full of demons, and I had to abort it. My mother took me to have the abortion. I almost died on the table.
My life was hell on earth; I fought through such emotional trauma. I was blinded as to what was causing it. Over the years, I had managed to repress these memories so deeply, and I just couldn't fathom why I was so emotionally disturbed. I managed by trying to over achieve, and I climbed the corporate ladder with consistent pain all the time. I still drank heavily.
I remarried and got pregnant. I wanted this child, but he died in my womb. I had a D&C but it is still an abortion to me. I grieved heavily, and my husband had an affair. I then got divorced and remarried again to a great guy. I stopped drinking and now I am 57.
All of the trauma hit me, but I found forgiveness and was set free with the help of a great counselor. I am not ashamed anymore. I have so much more to tell, and I feel like I left out many things. I could write a book, but I totally regret my past mistakes. I killed my children, and I have memorialized them in my gardens. I am on medication for PTSD and was actually hospitalized for it. This was prior to the ministry of Abbacare., where I was forgiven and set free. I now know the love and grace of my Lord Jesus. I am silent no more!
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