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Testimonies
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Life Changed Forever
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Linda
Missouri,
United States
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Forty years ago, I walked into a Planned Parenthood clinic and had an abortion when I was 18. Chuck was 17 at the time and is the father of our aborted son, whom we have named Ryan Paul. We began dating after meeting at our after school job and things became serious very quickly. We felt we were in love and began making plans for the future. That’s when I became pregnant.
We were petrified about our parents finding out. After a couple of days of nausea and vomiting, my mother figured it out and became very angry. She didn't want to be embarrassed by a pregnant teenage daughter.
My abortion took place in St. Louis on a frosty morning in January. Chuck paid for the abortion as it was his "responsibility." As we entered the clinic, there was nothing but abrupt questioning and request for payment in cash. I received no counseling, wasn't able to ask any questions, and I did not sign any forms. Instead, I was given a gown and told where I needed to be. I was terrified and had no knowledge of what was about to happen to my baby, my body, and my life. I was taken to a waiting area were there were many other gowned and frightened ladies. There were tears but no one spoke.
Nurses in the procedure room were quick to get me on the table in stirrups and ordered me to be quiet. The abortionist came in and said nothing. I'll never, ever forget the roar of that suction machine sucking my baby out of my womb. During the procedure, the pain was horrific, and I felt myself gripping the table to cope with the pain. The nurse kept telling me to be still as I tried to move away from the doctor. Tears were streaming from my face, and I knew I had done something terrible. Afterwards, Ryan Paul's body filled a jar on the floor, and I felt violated and empty.
After the abortion I began vomiting and shaking. Soon, I was told to hurry, get dressed, and get to the recovery area. No one helped me, no one cared. The Planned Parenthood staff was simply there to get us in and out. In the recovery room, many women were crying and visibly shaken, again no help.
I will never forget that day that changed my life forever. The abortion left me sad to see parents playing with their children and made me wonder if I'd ever have children of my own. I had nightmares, suffered depression, suicide attempts, miscarriages, and years of counseling.
After decades of struggles, I attended a Rachel’s Vineyard Retreat along with Chuck. That became the first step on the path to healing and forgiveness. That Boulder of shame and regret began to lift off me as I turned to my Lord and Savior and asked for forgiveness. He has saved me from this horrendous sin of abortion.
I will continue to speak the truth of abortion’s evils to honor the memory of my son, Ryan Paul. That's why I'm silent no more.
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