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Denial
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Cynthia
California,
United States
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I had two abortions. I am a grandmother now. I didn't notice the effects of them until my daughter became pregnant with my first grandchild. I had become a born again Christian. I was praying to God to make him healthy. It hit me during that prayer. It hit hard. Why was I praying for a fetus only three months or so, thinking it was a baby. But when I had abortions it was not a baby? I was horrified. I saw then those were my babies I aborted, not just undeveloped fetuses that felt nothing.
I had hidden it so deep. I denied I hurt anyone. I had to face it. It has hurt since deeply.
But it hurt all those years I was in denial. I drank. I couldn't have a relationship. I suffered from distrust and had low self-esteem. I didn't connect it to what abortions did to me and my soul. Not to mention I did that to my own children. I still think it was horrible.
But I am working on forgiving myself. I know Jesus forgives me. I don't want anyone to go through the regret so I hope my message can help anyone to not abort their child. It is a baby. If anyone was asked would they have wanted to be aborted I am sure they would have said no. We must protect life. It should not be disposable.
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