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Macie
South Carolina,
United States
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I remember when I found out I was pregnant the first time. I was speechless. In school the only thing they teach you is how not to get pregnant and not what to do when and if you do get pregnant. I was in my last year of high school, and I already had a huge scholarship to a private school. I graduated early, so, when I found out I was pregnant, I drove up to my high school to tell my boyfriend at the time. I told him, and his response was silence as he left for baseball practice. Within the next week the whole school knew. I remember finally telling my mom, and those eight weeks flew by. All I can remember is crying and not wanting to get up and go.
My mom drove me to the abortion clinic. I had the procedure and never in my life have I felt so empty. It took me a long time to realize that what I did didn't make me un-pregnant; it made me a mother to a dead child, my child that I couldn't take care of. It was a selfish thing, but I felt it needed to be done.
I got pregnant for the second time a little over a year after my first one. I told only about four people. I was getting ready to move away, and I knew if I had that baby, none of that would have been possible. I had a friend take me. It was a different clinic than the first one. This second one had protesters out front shouting and holding signs. There was a man preaching on a speaker phone shouting Bible verses. Now if that doesn't want to make someone crawl in a hole and never come out, then I don't know what would.
We walked inside and I paid the lady. She asked if I wanted some anesthesia, but I told her I didn't have enough money for that. She told me to have a seat and they would call me back. When she called me back, there were about thirty people waiting. The other women in there were all in the same boat, but I can remember me wanting to escape.
When I was finally called back, the doctor came in. I had never seen his face, but he looked up at me and said, "I did your first abortion. What happened?" He turned on the vacuum and minutes later the remains of my second child lay in a trash can. Reading this you may think I am hard on myself by using harsh language, but there is no way to sugar coat my story.
I am now healed from my abortions and have two children of my own. There isn't a day where I don't think of my babies, but I know, one day, I will get to hold them. But, until that day comes, I want to bring awareness about abortions and let women know that you will be okay. It may not be today or tomorrow, but time can heal anything.
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