At age 15 I had an abortion because I felt I did not want to end up as another stereotypical black, single, welfare mom. My primary goal was to finish school and be the first in my family to graduate from college. I knew I could not meet my educational goals with a child. My childhood was spent in and out of foster care and living with different relatives.

During the abortion experience I felt an overwhelming sense of fear mixed with despair and loneliness. I especially remember the gruff and rude doctor who performed the abortion. I recall feeling the suction pulling at my walls which caused a sharp pain. As I began to cry during the procedure, the doctor said, "Be still or you can do this yourself!" There was no sense of compassion in his voice, only coldness. When the abortion was over, I was rushed out of the facility with pain pills and antibiotics.  The healthcare provider gave a cursory overview of the side effects and sent me on my way. I remember feeling empty, ashamed, and alone as I caught the bus to school.

As time went on the long term emotional consequences became evident. For example, I was very distant in my relationships with men. I lack trust in my personal relationships because the father of the child left me to make the difficult decision of aborting the baby. I am also very suspicious of healthcare providers because I believed the lie about the child being "just a bunch of cells."

My healing process began with a Christian teacher at my school. Mrs. Waddell discovered I had an abortion and responded with compassion. She asked if I was okay and if I needed anything. Then she gave me a hug and she assured me that our discussion would be kept private. I am so grateful for her loving reaction.

I hope my life experience will deter someone from having an abortion. Perhaps a teenage girl will embrace abstinence. This is why I am silent no more.