I had an abortion when I was about 20 years old.  I was still in college.  At age 16 I was pregnant and went full term.  That little boy was adopted by a couple that I never met. It was handled through my doctor's office.  So in college I started dating a guy and then got pregnant. 

The best that I can remember about the abortion clinic was that no one seemed to care.  They didn't care that I was there to end a life, they didn't seem to care about me as a person, and they didn't follow up to make sure that I was okay. Nothing.  I remember it as being very mechanical. 

I was young, and I was scared.  At the time I felt relief but as the years have gone by my regret grows larger and larger. You see, I've only told two people about what I did.  The most recent being a Parish Priest during a reconciliation meeting.  I went to another Parish, because I didn't feel comfortable going to my Parish Priest. 

Looking back on the last 38 years, I would have to say that there are many things in my life that were affected.  I am afraid of intimacy with my husband of 34 years.  You see, I've never told him, and I'm afraid that if I do he won't want to be around me anymore.  I don't think he would understand at all.  My sleep and weight issues I would venture to guess stem from the abortion as well.  Beyond that I can't pinpoint anything. I never stayed in one job for more than a few years at a time.  I'm not a quitter but there was something niggling at the back of my brain that I just couldn't squash. I know that I'm a mess internally.   Outwardly you wouldn't know that I am struggling as I put on a smile and keep moving on. 

I have not forgiven myself fully, yet.  I know that my conversations with God from time to time should go deeper, but they don't.  I'm ashamed of what I did.  I now have two awesome adult children and couldn't be more proud of both of them and their spouses.  But what about the one that was aborted?  What would he or she be like today?  I know that he/she would be 38 years old, but that's it.  But I am against abortion. I can't begin to tell you how damaging it is and how many of us out here are hurting because of a decision we made that we thought was the right thing to do at the time.   This is why I can be silent no more.  NO woman should go through what I've gone through.