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Liberty not Condemnation
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Raetoria
Florida,
United States
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I would like to share my experience with abortion. I was 15 years old when I had my first of 17 abortions. I was taken to the clinic, and I was informed of the procedure and reassured that I would be alright. I trusted them, because I didn't know other than what was told to me. Also, because my mother took me, I saw no harm in it. My child's father was upset and hurt, because he wanted it, and I took his right away as a father.
After I had my first abortion I thought I was okay, but my attitude changed, and I began to become angry and uncaring. I resented my mother for taking me and was angry with my child's father for telling her that I was pregnant. So I blamed them.
I went through humiliation, rejection, and bad relationship after relationship that cost me two marriages, due to not understanding that I needed healing. I could not find a place to forgive myself and that brought me down a road of unforgiveness to justification which ultimately ended in shame and guilt. Hearing babies cry at night, having dreams of children, and even seeing newborns kept me in a continuous, perpetual state of guilt. These things took me into deep depression that I would think of suicide. The mind battles of my choices hid who I really was. My self-esteem was low, as well as my standards, which caused me to become very dominating, controlling, and protective of not being hurt again, but I was able to control at least my relationships. I picked the wrong people in my life, only to continue to get the same outcome, meeting the same people with different faces. During my pregnancies I began to be selective of who I wanted to father my child, only to experience the very thing that I aborted for, not wanting to raise a child alone.
I gave my life to Christ and, from there, I received His forgiveness and His Love. I was able to forgive myself and ask others to forgive me for what I had done and encouraged. You see, the same advice that I received from others I gave to those that were in the same situation, and I have to as a Believer repent and share the Love of Jesus Christ so that others can walk in the liberty of the Lord and not condemnation. I received His love and forgiveness over and over again until I believed it and was able to allow it to be a very essence of my Being. I went through counseling as well, and I am forever grateful that the Lord has delivered me from the shame, guilt, hurt, and pain of the abortion.
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