I had an abortion at 21 years old, at 10 weeks, and I have regretted it ever since.  I was upset before I went through with it, and I came away from the hospital safe but feeling upset and empty.  I have experienced depression for years, in part because of this.

I had my first abortion because my first child's dad said he was not going to support my first child if I had another child.  Also, because I had had sex with another man, I was not sure who my aborted child's father was.  I was not working, I had not known my own father, and I wanted my child to know his or hers.

It was only after I had had the abortion that the second man said that he would have supported the baby financially, if it was his, but he would not have had a relationship with me.  This information came too late and made me feel annoyed.  But the damage was already done.

I had my second abortion, at six weeks, when I was 33 years.  This time, the doctor recommended it, because he said there was a fifty percent chance that the anti-depressants that I was taking would harm the baby.  I listened to him and went ahead with the abortion.  I left the hospital safe.  The pain was not as heart wrenching as the first time, for it seemed like the abortion was done for a reason.  But I miss both of my children.

I have had two more children, have told the three of them what I have done, and have asked them to make different choices.  The memories of what I did remain but speaking to people has helped to an extent, and I hope to be able to feel less guilty in time.