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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion


Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously

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His Wonderful Love
Alaska, United States

At age 19 I became pregnant while attempting to prevent pregnancy using a condom.  I was in college and in a relationship that I thought would lead to marriage.  I told my mom and after that everything was a blur.  There was no discussion, no open talk with me or my boyfriend about the options.  My parents took me home, and the plan was made.  This was prior to 1973, so abortions had to be approved by a hospital board.  This was not difficult, because my father was a doctor.  I don't remember having any part in the decision at all.  I completely put my trust in my parents to do the right thing.  After it was over and I returned to college, my boyfriend didn't want anything to do with me.  His comment was, "I'm going to find a real woman."  I was devastated.  Life spun out of control for me then.  I got more into substance abuse and promiscuity.  I ended up failing in my college classes.  I was hurting so much, so lost and so alone.

Two years later, my mom decided to tell me that she tried to abort me.  She paid the abortionist and had symptoms that showed it was successful.  But after several weeks she discovered it was not a success.  Maybe the abortionist took the life of my twin.  That was stunning and devastating news and explained, in a way, the deep sense of not feeling wanted as a child.  So I'm not supposed to be here!

Six years later, after abortion was legalized, I got pregnant again.  The father and I were in a long term relationship, but he wanted me to have an abortion - he was in law school.  I honestly didn't want to, but I didn't feel I had a voice or a choice.  I went through with his plan, this time in a doctor's office under local anesthetic.  I felt everything and knew that something very horrific had happened. I was angry with the nurse and doctor, who had not prepared me at all for what I would experience!  What happened then may be surprising, but I went to work in an abortion clinic, so I could help support other women confronted with this decision.  My intentions were good, I suppose, but I was still on the wrong side of things. 

Six years later I became pregnant again.  This time I proposed to have the child. I wasn't married, so others were advising me to abort again.  But no, I had college degrees and could provide for my child.  I was not going to have another abortion. So, I gave birth to my son in 1981 and, four months later, I found my Savior Jesus, as I realized how deeply I needed to be rescued from my sin and the consequences.   Since then I've had two more children, daughters.  All my children are grown with children of their own and are living Christian lives.  I am so grateful that none of them have experienced the horror of abortion, although they do know they have two siblings in heaven.

I have many more details that are not included in this brief narrative.  Someday, I will write it all down.  The Lord God gave me life in my mother's womb for a purpose and that is to bring Glory to His Name.  I would like to be a voice for the unborn, as a survivor of an abortion.  I also want to encourage post abortion women toward the Lord, where they can know forgiveness, healing, mercy, and Love.  I have been there too and am so very thankful that Jesus took away the shame, regret, and self-hatred and replaced all that with His wonderful Love. 


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