I had an abortion, because I became extremely sick. I had a bad arrhythmia that the doctor couldn’t control with increasing the dosage of my medication, and I was told surgery during my pregnancy wasn’t an option. Both my cardiologist and OBGYN said I was at high risk of heart attack or stroke.

During the procedure, the staff was caring and helpful, but the doctor made me feel like a piece of meat on a conveyor belt. He just walked in, quickly dilated me, shoved the vacuum inside of me, and said “I got it”.  Then he left the room.  He had called my baby “it”...like he was removing a tumor or something.

Immediately after, I sat there in recovery, crying and bawling. I had wanted to keep my baby, but I was so sick. However, I immediately regretted my decision, and I felt like a horrible mother. I should’ve fought my way through the pregnancy.

As time went on, I married the next guy that came along, so I could be a mother again (I had had heart surgery after the abortion). Since this baby was born 10 years ago, I have been ultra-protective. He’s slept in my bed since he was four days old, I didn’t want anyone to hold him, I cried when I left the house without him, I’d leave work early to be with him, etc.  After my divorce, I became promiscuous in my search for a man who would love me.

I found forgiveness through abortion healing books and my life-long faith in Jesus Christ.