HOW LONG IT TOOK!
Years ago in 1976 I remarried and was using birth control with an IUD. I had two of my own daughters (both not yet in their teens) and my husband had two, a son and a daughter in their teens. Shortly after we married I became pregnant and I did not want anymore children. My immediate reaction was to get an abortion, which I did. My husband did not make any objections and in fact set the appointment up at Planned Parenthood. We went in the afternoon because it was more efficient for him to be able to work before hand.
I will never forget how humiliated I felt and how the person (I assume she was a nurse) made me feel. When she was examining me she said, "You’re not pregnant"! I just looked at her with disbelief. She was rough in her behavior and really lacked as a "professional." I remember saying that I was pregnant and she should have someone else check. She did and they concurred with me.
I was told to go into the other room and change my clothes and they gave me a pill to take. Vaguely, I remember going into another room and getting onto table much like an exam table. The doctor made comment on my name and that it reminded him of a dancer. It was, I thought in poor taste especially since I was in the position that I was in. I remember very little from that point with the exception of what I thought was a dream.
I went home after the abortion with my husband. I don’t think we even talked. I just felt sick and was in pain and wanted to go to bed. In the morning I remember my husband was going to the Navy Reserves and I was sitting on the floor in our bedroom. I really didn’t want him to go and I just sat there crying. I was alone and I was miserable. I just couldn’t tell anyone or talk to anyone about it. For years I was silent and my husband wouldn’t or didn’t talk about it either. We buried our feelings. Until one day he brought a film home called the "Silent Scream." When I watched that it was like watching a horror film. Instantly I knew what I had done and that dream became a reality as that sweet precious gift had been sucked out of my body. I remember the song the Yellow Submarine (it must have been playing in the room at the same time my baby left my body). I saw vividly the baby's head elongate and scream as it left in spirit and flesh. It looked like a Keen Doll. I couldn’t stop crying when I saw that movie and remembered what had really happened. But again, I couldn’t tell anyone and we didn’t talk about it. We didn’t talk about a lot of things.
In 1996 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was a year from hell. My mother passed away and I went through several surgeries and left my husband of 20 years. I also discovered that year that women who have had abortions have a higher percentage in developing breast cancer. I would often go to the Optimum Health Institute in San Diego to help me regain my health. I went several times throughout that year. It was a safe haven for me and many of the women there that had breast cancer had also had abortions as I found out.
It was there that I met my recently deceased husband. He was an amazing, loving, strong, wonderful man who loved Christ and shared his love with me. He had previously had breast cancer. We had a lot in common and from the time we met we were together. What a gift he was to me for he led me to Christ. He is my Savior and He has forgiven me and I am so humbled to be forgiven. When Christ came to me through prayer, I was at His feet at Calvary as He hung on the cross. He looked at me directly in my eyes and said, " I have died for your sins", and He repeated to me, "I have died for YOUR sins". Not only did He appear before me, He graced me with His goodness to let me know of His presence today. For when my husband passed away, I knew he was with our Lord. I know were my husband and my precious baby are. I am blessed.
Thank you for making a place for all of us who have suffered so many years. It is time to be silent no more.
BC, California