I endured nine years of guilt and bitterness 

2 abortions one in 1977 (I was 29) and one in 1978 (at age 30)

My husband and I lived together 21/2 years before we were married. I became pregnant twice and both times had an abortion. He didnt want a second family I was afraid of losing him and afraid of being on my own with a child and I was selfish. Although deep inside, I wanted my babies. As soon as I realized I was pregnant, I stopped drinking and took extra care of myself, hoping there may be some way...I had the abortion anyway.

One was at a womens clinic, one was at a hospital. Both were suction abortions. At the clinic, they first asked me if I had my check. I had hoped for counseling from someone there but they only explained the procedure never once asked any of the women if we were sure of our decision or referred to the life we were carrying as a baby. I felt sort of "swept" through the whole thing very quickly until suddenly I was on the table.

I felt very quickly and knew I would go to hell for what Id done. I had a lot of resentment and blame toward my husband and I felt "he didnt love me enough". We didnt tell anyone else. He felt guilty too, but always held it in pretty much.

The main thing is I got saved in December 1986 and knew God forgave me so the guilt is gone. I was able finally to accept my own responsibility in the decision and not blame my husband, and so I could forgive him, he was saved in December 1987. I endured nine years of guilt and bitterness until that time. I dont think any woman can deal with this apart from Christ.

I have no children (Im 42 now) and never will. I know I made the wrong decision to give up my babies, but with Gods help, I can live with that now. Im angry about how the pro-death people deceive women who are hurting and vulnerable and need the truth that there are alternatives. I participated in an Operation Rescue a year ago.