My life has been devastated by abortion. I have had three abortions because I didn’t think I had any other choices. When I went in for my abortions, I was told that I carried only a blob of tissue, and it would be safer and easier to abort than to carry my baby to term. I would later find out that it had been a lie.

I remember lying on the cold table, with no anesthetic for the pain, staring at the ceiling, wishing I were someplace else. It seemed to last forever and the pain was unbearable. Nothing could dull the pain in my heart and mind as I listened to the vacuum aspirator method. I could hear by the increased labor of the suction machine when a part or limb of my baby was being extracted. Each time I tried to look at the jar with my babys’ remains, I was pushed back down. To this day, I still hear that haunting suction sound.

When it was finished, I was sent to a waiting room with the other girls. I was given a cup of juice and told I could leave in 20 minutes if I felt alright. I had never felt worse, but I told them I felt fine because I just wanted out of there. On the drive home I was in extreme pain and was bleeding profusely. I called them for help, but was told it wasn’t their problem, to call my doctor. I was too afraid and ashamed to call the doctor, so I lay there and waited and wondered if I would die.

A part of me died that day as I realized I would never hold or see that child. I became angry and depressed. I started drinking heavily; doing drugs, and became very promiscuous. I didn’t think anyone would love me unless I gave them sex in return. I got pregnant two more times and chose abortion each time. With each abortion, my addictions got worse. I even attempted suicide three times. My life was a mess and was spiraling out of control.

Years later, with the loving witness of my parents, I made a good choice. I Received Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I later met and married a wonderful man. After trying to start a family, with no success, we learned I was infertile because of the abortions. The suction from the vacuum aspirator had destroyed my tubes and ovaries. A few years ago I had to have a hysterectomy because of the severe damage caused from the suction procedure.

Everyday I live with the reality that the only children I will ever bear, I killed.

The only way I have been able to live through this nightmare is that I have come to know my Lord Jesus Christ. He has forgiven me and set me free. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says… “Therefore if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature, the old things are passed away; behold new things have come.”

There has never been a day that I don’t regret the “choices” I made to have those abortions, or think about those three children and who they would have been. Abortion didn’t solve my problems, it only created more. I want the world to know the harmful, horrible effects of abortion and how it destroys lives, so I WILL BE SILENT NO MORE.