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Testimonies
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The Time Had Come
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Linda
Arizona,
United States
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I had an abortion because my boyfriend told me that was the way we were going to handle "the problem." He didn't give me a choice, and I didn't have a voice to say no. I remember going in for a pregnancy test, but I knew I was pregnant, and I don't remember much until the actual abortion procedure. I remember lying in the chair/bed, feet in stirrups, IV in to knock me out. I remember waking up in the middle screaming and fighting to stop it and the people scurrying around me. I don't remember the drive home or any conversation. I don't remember anything after that, and for 17 years I didn't remember anything.
As time went on, I continued to be in a perpetual state of non-feeling. I couldn't get close to people and didn't trust anyone, particularly men. I married, divorced, married again, and divorced again. I married men that didn't want or couldn't have children and constantly felt as though I wasn't worthy of having children. I felt as though I had done something that was unforgivable, even by God, and I ran from God for 17 years. I hated myself; I sabotaged relationships which confirmed how horrible I was as no one liked me enough to stick around.
However, suddenly, somehow, I felt the need to tell someone about my abortion, after 17 years. I had become very close friends with a man, of all people, and trusted him quickly. I told him my story, which opened the floodgates. I then sought counseling as I couldn't get through a day without breaking down. My counselor told me of Rachel's Vineyard and nine months later I found forgiveness, from God, myself, and my child. I thank God for pushing me to open up to someone and release the pain that I had been carrying for so long. God knew the time had come and He gave me the person and the opportunity to break my silence.
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