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Testimonies
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To Find Healing
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Michelle
Oklahoma,
United States
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I had an abortion because I was pregnant with a man's baby that I was having an affair with. My husband and I were separated and I had known this man for a long time before this all started. Sad, I knew him because he was in the Marines with my husband. When I got pregnant, it was just before he was leaving to go back home. He had finished his time and was going back to Illinois; I was living in California. He wanted me to go with him; I didn't want him to go. It was a HUGE mess and my husband would be coming back from his deployment in three months. I thought about not saying anything to anyone and just go through with the divorce, keep the baby and say that it was neither of theirs, but that would be a mess later for my child. I had another child already, she was three months away from turning two, and was in the hospital for over a week with RSV at this time as well. I thought the only way "out" was to end it, continue with the divorce, and go on with my life. Fat chance. I never "went on with my life." Oh, I went on to do other things...but every year I would think of (her) I just know it was a girl. I would say, "I have a ten year old" and in my head I would say, "And an eight year old" and even to this day I say I have a fifteen year old, and think of my thirteen year old. I did tell the father that I was pregnant and that I had chosen to have an abortion. He got real quiet (we were on the phone as he was in Illinois and I was in Utah visiting my family) and all he said was, "that's probably best, I guess" and I never heard from him again. I called when I got home; called for a couple weeks after...that was it. I found him a couple years ago, thanks to facebook. I went up to Illinois to visit him, and just "see.” Well, I asked him if he was still mad at me for what I did, and he said, "You mean with our baby" then he looked down, looked at me and said "no, I'm not." It was awful. I knew he wasn't mad, but I knew that he was still hurting. He had gone on to have another child since then, she was beautiful, but it killed me to look at her. I stayed in Illinois for two days. That was enough. We haven't talked but a few times since then and not in over a year now. It was after I spent time with him that I talked to my Deacon and was referred to Rachel's Vineyard, that's where I finally found healing. That is when I realized that God didn't hate me, Jesus didn't hate me, the Church didn't hate me, and my child didn't hate me. Everyone that has gone through the misery of an abortion should find such healing; it's the only place you'll get it.
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