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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion
 

EXPRESS YOUR REGRET

Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously


 
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Isolated
Laura
Wisconsin, United States

When I was a teenager, I thought abortion was wrong, but I didn’t know why. I met an older, married man and I soon gave in to the pressure for sex. 

When I found out I was pregnant, it was a month after the father’s wife died from a long illness. It was clear I had gotten pregnant before she had died. The father’s response was “You need to get an abortion.” 

I was deeply ashamed. I went to Planned Parenthood. The woman told me abortion was legal, and without examining me, she told me I had a tubal pregnancy and I could die. She told me I should make the abortion appointment quickly.

I made the appointment and the father drove me to the clinic. When I was on the table and the doctor started the procedure, I cried and told him it hurt and to stop, that I didn’t want to do this. He spoke the only words he ever said to me: “You should have thought of that before”.

After, all I felt was relief. It was all over. Like an eraser. Now, no one would know what a terrible person I was. 

I married the father. I felt like used goods. But, soon came the depression. And the nightmares.  And the fear.  And the suicidal thoughts. I functioned in daily life, but at night, I would stand in the dark, looking out the window, crying. I would look at the other windows with lights, and wish I was behind any of those windows – instead of mine. I couldn’t let anyone find out what a horrible person I was, so I isolated myself. 

What was supposed to be an eraser; hadn’t erased anything at all and it was destroying me from the inside.

I believed God could never forgive me, but I was so desperate, I went to church. There, I found hope that God could forgive me; that He wasn’t sitting up on His throne, with a lightning bolt in His hand, aimed at me. I began to let myself grieve my child. I learned of a Bible study called Forgiven & Set Free.

Once I accepted that God could forgive me, I began to move past my shame. I began to see how He was able to turn that darkness into light. Without God’s mercy and grace, I would not be alive today.

Psalm 103 says: Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not His benefits – who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, Praise the Lord, O my soul.

What I once hid in shame, I will expose to the light. I am silent no more.


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