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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion


Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously

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Suppressing the Reality
Florida, United States

Let me start with that I feel a bit intimidated putting this in words.  I guess it is shame.  I had an abortion because I was 18 and wasn't dating the guy very long.  Funny how that didn't stop me from having sex.

I didn't even consider having the baby, simply because I was embarrassed.   Not only would everyone know I had sex, but that I didn't use protection. At the time, my friend and I were both late for our periods. We both went for a pregnancy test at a clinic.  Our results came.  Hers was negative and mine was positive.

The actual experience was seamless, as sad as that may sound.  I had an appointment, they told me I had to wait until I was a certain amount of weeks, they made the appointment, and then it was over. It was almost 30 years ago, so my memories of my feelings are vague, not to mention, suppressed. 

I would say right after, I was relieved.  I didn't even think much about it, so much so, that I found myself in the exact same position two years later.  As I recount the events, I think it was easy to suppress the reality of what I was about to do.  When you are so early in the pregnancy, you really don't "feel" any different, so you don't really accept that you are pregnant.

As time went on, I still didn't really think about it until I was married and pregnant with my first born.  As I followed the pregnancy week by week, the realization of what I had done was hard to ignore.  I had a miscarriage between my two children, which I felt I may have deserved. 

Over the years, I have become closer to God. To this day, I am still embarrassed about this decision when I speak to God about it.  I feel like when I pass, I will have some explaining to do to my two unborn children, who were robbed of life due to my self-absorption.

I still feel uncomfortable forbidding someone else from making their own decision, but I would love to have a word with them, if they were interested, before they made their decision.  At the very least, I suggest having teens follow the book Your Pregnancy Week by Week  to see exactly what stage of development the baby is when an abortion is performed. This may not prevent them from having sex, but it certainly may prevent them from having unprotected sex.


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