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Testimonies
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I Will Always Have Regret
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Leigh Ann
Ohio,
United States
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Twenty five years ago at age 19, I chose to have an abortion primarily out of fear of how my parents would react to me being unwed and pregnant. But also I naively and conveniently believed the all the lies about abortion without considering asking more questions before following through with my decision. Immediately following the abortion I experienced mixed feelings of relief and an emptiness inside of me that was unexplainable. For a decade I remained muddled about the decision and when doubts surfaced, I suppressed them.
Post abortion stress syndrome is real. I just didn’t know I was suffering from it back then. The unexplainable emptiness I had after the abortion developed into anger and depression. Ten years later it got worse with the birth of my son. Anxiety about raising this child was beyond the normal anxiety of a new parent. Thoughts that something or someone would harm him created constant worry in me and I became over-protective.
Much of this led my husband and I to attend church and this began a new direction in my life. I began to really look to God for help. I came to accept the truth that my abortion resulted in the death of my child and God’s forgiveness came freely when I repented. But the healing took much longer. Now grief over the loss of my child and shame for what I had done consumed me. I did the only thing I knew to do – I continued to look to God for help. I spent a lot of time praying and reading scripture. I joined others in a bible study called Forgiven and Set Free. The more I understood about God, the more His Peace filled my heart – which made no room for the negative feelings.
I will always have regret for the things I did wrong, but having God’s Love has given me the hope and joy I was missing. And He gives me the courage everyday to live freely and to be silent no more.
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