I was 18 and at the end of my senior year of high school when I became pregnant. I was not really in a committed relationship with the baby's father at the time. The decision to have an abortion was made by both of us, even though I felt I was "persuaded" by him. I ended up going to the clinic by myself and, when I arrived, I was drunk and under the influence of some type of drug. My life at the time was centered around drinking, drugs, sleeping around, and parties.
As soon as the abortion was preformed, I tried to put it out of my mind and didn't want to think about it. I am sure it played a part in my drug use and my promiscuity. About a year later I married that same man and, about a month into our marriage, I became pregnant again. I gave birth to a very healthy daughter but lost custody of her when she was three months old, when we got a divorce. At the time of the divorce I was very heavy into my drugs and alcohol use.
I was never able to carry another child to full term and had two ectopic pregnancies, were I lost both Fallopian Tubes and one ovary.
I am sure that in some way all the above experiences contributed to my depression, drug and alcohol use, and later suicide attempt, but I do not remember those things in the forefront of my mind at the time.
In my late 20's I remember telling myself that if I didn't have the abortion that I would have never had my daughter, so I continued to believe that until my early 40's.
But to this day I have regretted my decision.
I have recently become saved and know that Our Father has forgiven me of these sins. I believe I will see all three of my deceased children in heaven. I don't think I could have ever gotten to this point without a strong belief that God's word is truth.