The first time I had sex with my boyfriend (i was a virgin and he was pressuring me) I got pregnant. When I was late, I took a pregnancy test and went numb. My mom was a strong supporter and actively in the Pro-life movement. I also carried those values, but could only think of the shame this would bring my Catholic mother of 6, that her unwed daughter was pregnant.
I was scared and distraught. When I told my boyfriend, he came over, took a phonebook out, and opened it to the "A" section.... under "abortion". He continued to paint a scenario of how our life together would not be good if we had this baby, bringing shame on our families and having to get married, then most likely divorcing after a year because we weren't ready for this.
He made it clear that he might not be around unless I got the abortion. I was lacking self-confidence and toxically dependent on him for any self-worth. An abortion went against my entire moral fiber, but I forced that out of my mind and grew numb to the horrific circumstance I was in.
I made the appointment, and he went with me. I went through it in a dream state, not wanting to feel, just wanting it over with. The nurse held my hand during the procedure, that is the only memory of some sort of comfort. Afterwards my emotions were very broken, so much guilt, shame, secretness and pain.
This happened 33 years ago, and it will be with me my entire life. I know I will meet my son/daughter in Heaven....my heart yearns for my little one. I have 2 grown adult children now and cant imagine discarding them like I did my very first. My heart aches, but healing is a process, and it takes one day at a time. I am SILENT NO MORE.