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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion


Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously

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I felt Pressured by the Father of the Baby
California, United States

I had an abortion because I felt pressured by the father of the baby. We were in a committed relationship and while the pregnancy was unplanned, I was very much looking forward to becoming a mother when I found out I was pregnant. Unfortunately, he was not and when I told him I was pregnant he immediately told me he wasn't ready to be a father. 

I tried to explain all of the reasons why I wanted this baby and even though it was unplanned, we would find ways to make it work. After a week of being guilt tripped and pressured and unable to make him feel the same, I knew that I was going to have to have an abortion. 

During the abortion procedure, I felt indifferent. Part of his words had gotten through to me, and I started thinking that maybe this was for the best. We would have had to change so many things that maybe this was just the best choice for us. I still didn't want to go through with the procedure, but I knew that was what he wanted. I couldn't find the courage within myself to fight for my child. 

Immediately after the abortion, I felt sick. I felt a small bit of relief that the stress between he and I was over, but I felt sick knowing what I did. As time went on after the abortion, I felt and experienced anxiety, depression, alcohol abuse, nightmares, relationship problems and severe self-esteem issues. To this day, I'm triggered/traumatized when I see newborns or babies or children. I feel jealousy and regret and I feel like I should have my son or daughter here with me rather than in Heaven.

I found help and forgiveness through my best friend and eventually my current boyfriend. I find it hard to forgive myself and I feel like at this point in my life, I should have become a mother. I feel like now I'm too old and at this point, I won't ever have that chance and I wasted it because I felt pressured into something I didn't want to do. 

I want to heal, and I want people to understand that while having an abortion is a choice, it is very real pain to have afterwards and it doesn't ever really go away. I want people to understand that having an abortion is a life changing event and affects every aspect of someone's life. I want to heal and be able to forgive myself. I want to feel that God has forgiven me, and I want to feel like my child has forgiven me. I want to feel like I can finally break free from the pain and that's why I am silent no more!


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