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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion
 

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Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously


 
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I Wanted Nothing More than to Keep my Baby
Shelby
Michigan, United States

I was 17 when I had an abortion. I wanted nothing more than to keep my baby. I waited until I was 10 weeks to finally tell my mom because I knew she would be extremely upset with me. When I finally told her, she was absolutely furious with me she wouldn't even speak to me at first. When we finally talked, she berated me, saying I couldn't raise a child, I didn't have a car or enough money. She tried to claim I didn't even like my niece that lived with us at the time which wasn't true at all. 

I was forced into an abortion. She called the clinic with me on the phone to make sure it was set up and even at the clinic in a little room where they ask you if "you're sure", she went in there with me to make sure I said yes. She said not to look at the ultrasound they did and had them mute the sound. My voice was completely eliminated. I felt completely humiliated during the whole experience. The doctor told me I was doing the right thing because I was too young and my life would be better after but I couldn't disagree more. 

I cried while I lay on the table, I was miserable in the recovery room. Some of the nurses were cold or rude. I felt immense pain and guilt afterward, questioning how I could let myself be so silenced when it came to something so precious as the life of my own child. For the days and years to come I would suffer from extreme nightmares, increasing depression, and a relapse of my self-harm after being clean since I was 13. 

Finally, in 2021, I stepped into my church. I began finding hope and healing in God. in March 2022, I was baptized. In July 2022, I went on a women's retreat with my church, and wow! During the 5 days I was there, I found extreme healing and forgiveness, not just from the Lord, but from myself. I still think of my baby often, but I know that he is in the arms of the Lord and we will meet again in heaven. God has given me a voice to stand up and speak out. I suffered in silence for 5 years, but I am silent no more.


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