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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion


Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously

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Shanna's 2024 March for Life Testimony
Texas, United States

He said he would kill himself if I kept our baby. This was now my second abortion. Why didn’t anyone tell me I could possibly have suicidal thoughts after killing my children in my womb? I mean, didn’t we matter, didn’t my two precious babies matter? The pressure was not only from this man but the doctors and staff who told me I was doing the right thing both times. “It’s just a blob at six weeks,” they said. “You have a lifetime to have children,” they said. My abortions took place in my 20s. I am now 45 and must live with my decision. There is not a Mother’s Day, holiday, anniversary month of when I took their life, or  birthday in which I could have given them life that I don’t think of them.

When making the choice, I didn’t feel like I had the support system that I really needed. I was ashamed and afraid. I even wondered if I would be judged by my church community. So… I listened to my gynecologist. She gave me the name of a doctor who performed abortions. She mentioned it would make me feel a little bit more “comfortable” than Planned Parenthood. I remember walking into the waiting room and feeling very scared, numb, sad, and alone.

When they called my name to go back to the room, it just felt very dark. I was told I was doing the right thing. The staff tried to reassure me that everything was fine because it’s just a blob. There were no ultrasounds being performed in the abortion clinic at this time. The staff were very convincing, so I decided to go with their reasoning and reassurance.

As I lay on the table feeling nothing, suddenly I opened my eyes, and I could feel my baby leave my body. It didn’t hurt physically at that moment, but the emotional connection was already there. I truly believe what I was feeling was my baby’s heartbeat leaving my womb.

Not only did this happen once but twice. One may wonder, “If you had one abortion and felt these things, how could you do it all over again?” The guilt and shame were so overwhelming. I suppressed those emotions by living a careless lifestyle of drinking and finding love in all the wrong places.

Abortion harms not only the baby but the woman as well. It affected my mental well-being and my physical health. I suffered pain and severe cramping for years, with hormone imbalances and abnormal menstrual cycles that now make me unable to have children. 

There were cycles of depression, grief, anxiety to anguish, and suicidal thoughts. I experienced ruined relationships, a lack of self-worth and self-respect, and low self-esteem. I had feelings of abandonment, sought approval, felt inadequate to be a mother, and felt unworthy of love.

Throughout the years, I didn’t realize how much I was suppressing emotions and carrying the burden regarding the loss of my babies.  At the end of 2021, I finished an abortion healing class called, “Forgiven and Set Free.”

This class changed my life. I do not carry guilt and shame anymore. I know Jesus forgives me and he needed me to forgive myself. At the end of the three-month class, I named my children (Benjamin & Grace) and had a memorial. This is where the healing began for me.

I encourage any woman or man who needs healing to come forward so you to can be set free! God has turned this situation around for my good and is using me along with others to cry out and be a witness for anyone who has been hurt by abortion.


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