I sat in the rain the rest of the day

I was 14 years old when I learned I was with child. Stunned and scared, yet secretly thrilled of having the link of life I had not, someone to hold on to.

My mother's reaction was scaring; "An abortion is the only way," "I'm so ashamed," and as many times before, "You're just like the mother who put you up for adoption - Is that what you want?"

Immediately I told the boy involved my mother's response. His was the same, (the rejection felt like a knife). I became torn between what I knew was right, and the angry peer pressure surrounding me.

Finally I consented, yet inside I felt scared and alone.

The counselor greeted me in home set looking room. She asked question[s] on my e[m]otion, and I hast[i]ly repeated, "Yes, I'm sure, Yes, Huh, huh, yes I'm 16," etc. I was a nervous [w]reck.

After the abortion, (which prob[a]bly took 45 minutes from the time I first entered to the counselor), I felt dirty, ashamed, like a low ant below all else. I felt betrayed, like a betrayer. Something which took such little time left a permanent scar.

My mother was very unemotional as she closed the car door. My feeling centered on her and the boy involved. I blamed them for my emotional weakness, my physical weakness, for my loss. But deep inside I felt only I could carry the burden for a life I never held.

I sat in the rain the rest of the day, occa[s]ionally walking, crying, and not knowing why I really had the abortion.

Years passed, each year I would look at children that were the age mine could have been. I cried many nights.

When Jesus Christ saved me five years after the abortion God gave me peace. And I was able to forgive the boy and my mother, and then finally myself. It is comforting to know my child lives in Glory, after all, she is a living soul.

I [e]ncourage women, teens, and all others to look inside to what it means to have a child, and to rest in the fact that they are God given!!

Thank you