Something died inside me that day.
I had an abortion 9 years ago. I found out I was pregnant and the same day went in to the clinic for the abortion. No one discussed adoption or showed me pictures of my baby's development. I believe if I would've had to wait 24 hours or had been informed about the baby, I never would've done it.
The abortion was painful. The doctor and nurse were cold. It was horrible.
When I left the clinic, I felt hollow. Something died inside me that day. I truly believe every girl/woman that has an abortion whether they admit it or not, felt that same empty feeling. I immediately cut all contact with my former crowd and made a complete new group of friends. I got into drugs and alcohol and hard rock. Sometimes the memories and guilt would surface and I would cry and cry, but nothing ever helped.
I finally told my mom after 8 years. I'd gotten married and later got pregnant and miscarried. That brought it all back. I went in for prayer, deliverance and counseling at my church. I re-dedicated my life to Jesus and started attending church. Jesus has helped me forgive myself and I have that hope of knowing I'll be reunited with that child one day. I still feel sadness and still grieve, but I know I'm forgiven and I forgive myself. I don't feel burdened with guilt anymore and I know that from the Lord. But I sure wish I could do it all over again. I wish I would've had that baby. I praise God for His mercy and forgiveness but we sure make things hard on ourselves when we make the wrong decisions. I HATE abortion. It destroys lives. It is a choice that is based on lies and I believe it is the biggest lie Satan has sold the women (and men) in our nation.
The Lord has blessed me with a perfect baby boy. I will never forget the abortion. I will always regret it, and not like I regret other choices. This goes the deepest. I want to help other women who have gone through this find healing in Jesus, because there is no other way. And I am doing all I can to help end abortion in America. I picket clinics, I vote pro-life, I write letters, but most of all, I pray. The victory is in Jesus, against all odds.
"Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit, saith The Lord."
Praise the Lord, who can forgive the worst sins and heal the deepest scars. Praise the Lord.