No Longer Suffering in Silence:  A Testimony

by Kathy

 

            Growing up in a Christian home, I eagerly gave my heart to Jesus at a young age. But as a teenager in a new high school, I drifted into the unrestrained lifestyle of new classmates, trading Christian virtues for popularity, and ultimately, a crisis pregnancy.  Being the granddaughter of a local pastor, my immediate family feared shame and ridicule and convinced me that an abortion was best for me. 

 

          Looking back, my heart whispered not to abort, but I numbly proceeded anyway.  The choice seemed simple � get out of my predicament and get on with my life.  But this �simple� choice would deliver me into an emotionally crippling tailspin of despair. The trauma of the procedure paled in comparison to the profound regret that I carried afterwards.  I was overwhelmed with an undeniable realization that the spirit of the child had been with me was now gone and that I could not reverse time. 

 

          Struggling to get over my secret, I rededicated my life to the Lord a year later and asked his forgiveness for taking my child�s life.  Forgiving myself was more difficult.  After suffering in silence for years, I finally participated in a post-abortive healing conference.  I learned that I was short-changing God by refusing to forgive myself, and a river of healing waters began to flow. Through God�s grace, my aborted child now has a name and a special memorial to honor him as a person created in His image.  I also look forward to our reunion one beautiful day when I meet our Redeemer and Healer.  Phil 3: 13-14.  Until then, I will be his voice to others�and be silent no more.