morning! My name is Leeann. I am a survivor of a most
hideous procedure. I am an abortion survivor.
Unfortunately, my son, who I call Matthew B., did not
survive this procedure. He wants his mother’s story told.
pressured by my mother and father to have an abortion when I
was four months pregnant. I had no idea what an abortion
was. I had become pregnant from a one-night stand. I was
scared, and I turned to my parents. I thought they would
let me have the baby and put him up for adoption. What
happened was not the adoption.
My son was
burned to death in my womb as a result of the saline
injection. I felt my baby’s body struggling to live, but I
was hopeless and helpless against stopping his death at that
point. I became ill with vomiting, diarrhea, and cramping.
I was in labor for ten hours. Finally, I was knocked out,
and the baby, my son, Matthew B., was removed from my body.
When I awoke form my abortion procedure, I was aching from
every part of my body. My breasts leaked milk at that time,
and still do to this day.
day forward and for many days to come, I chose to be in
denial. I told myself the lies that our society tells us,
that you are hearing behind us, that I needed to be thankful
that I was able to have abortion and not be saddled with a
baby. I was told I was fortunate because I could now go on
with my life. But I missed my baby. I wondered what he
would be like. I thought about him every birthday. And I
had a fantasy that the abortionist had raised my baby, a
blond-haired baby. I knew I would be able to find him one
told people that abortion was wonderful. I told others that
is was right for a woman to choose not to have a child, and
not be burdened. Years later, I met the love of my life,
the man who would become my husband. I knew I had to tell
him that I had had an abortion - not an easy thing to do.
It’s something nobody ever talks about. I was told never to
tell anyone I had had an abortion, and so I was obedient, I
was quiet, I was silent. My fiancÚ looked at me and said,
“You killed your baby.” I was indignant. This was the first
time I had been told the truth of abortion. Sixteen years
of self-destructive behavior, alcoholism, depression,
promiscuity, low self-esteem, poor decision-making, suicidal
thoughts - those were the other facts of my abortion.
married, we wanted to start a family right away. That
“right away” never came. No more baby. I had hit
rock-bottom, and I realized that, indeed, through this
hideous procedure of abortion, I had killed my baby, and I
needed to come to terms with this. Through the grace of
God, I have come to terms that I permitted my son, Matthew
B., to be killed, so that I could have a life (I was told),
but that life was very empty and very, very difficult.
everyone here to know that my abortion hurt me in ways I
never could have imagined. I still cry, thirty-five years
later. I miss my son, I miss my grandchildren, because even
though I was a poor mother, my son would have been a
I am your
sister, I am your daughter, I am your mother, I am your
aunt, I am every woman, I am not bad, I am not good, I made
a mistake, but it was compounded by murder, and for that, my
life changed irrevocably. If I keep silent, no one will
benefit from my experience. My prayer is and will be that
no woman should ever undergo an abortion, ever again.
If you are
a woman who’s had an abortion, there is help for you. If
you are a man whose child has been aborted, there is help.
If you are a family member of an aborted child, there is
help. If you are a woman considering abortion, please come
talk with me. I have been in your shoes, and I would give
up everything I have today to have my son standing with me
today. God bless us all.