I hated the procedure

I had a D & C abortion in 1971 at a hospital. My baby was 11 weeks old. I was 24 years old and single.

I was afraid, alone and didn't want my parents to know I was pregnant. I didn't consider anything but abortion. The first person who knew I was pregnant was the doctor who did the pregnancy test. I told him I would probably have an abortion and he never said anything to me one way or the other. I walked out of his office dazed by the news. How I wish he would have given me alternatives. Advice from a friend was abortion. My boyfriend stayed neutral. I hitch-hiked to the hospital myself and arranged to have friends pick me up. I spent the afternoon on their couch, then they took me home.

At the hospital, I remember a lady asking me if I was sure this is what I wanted and I said yes. Except for the abortion itself, that's all I remember. While waiting on the stretcher, I wanted to jump off and run but was too afraid. I was wheeled in, was given an injection in my arm but remained awake. A nurse stood by my side and a nameless, faceless abortionist ended the life of my baby. I hated the procedure. It hurt some but mostly the position I had to be in was uncomfortable. I was wheeled to another room. Shortly after, a nurse took me for a walk and I soon left. About a week later I developed a severe pelvic infection. I never experienced such pain in my life. I was treated at an emergency room. To this day I don't know what medication I was given, but it resolved the infection.

Then I proceeded to get my life back to normal. I was relieved it was over. It should never have happened anyway, so I pretended it didn't. I buried the pregnancy and the abortion and forgot about it for years. My boyfriend did not seem to be affected by it much, except he was nice to me while I was pregnant and pushed me down when it was over. I told only the friend who took me to E.R. and she helped me as much as she could.

Nine years later at the age of 33, I was about to get married. I thought it fair to tell my husband-to-be about the abortion. He told me it was in my past. I was a Christian by then. He became involved in the Right to Life movement and continually became more involved in pro-life activity. As I read and came to know the truth about abortion, I have had to face it and deal with it. Admitting it and being sorry is part of dealing with it. I have committed a grave sin and since I converted to Catholicism a few years ago, I have the privilege of the Sacrament of Confession. Only through God's forgiveness can there be healing. There is grief. I don't know if that ever goes away. When I've held my newborn babies, I cry and hurt for the one that is gone. God, in His mercy, has been so good to me. He's given me 2 boysand I would be very happy to be blessed with more.

It is hard to say how the abortion changed my life as I don't know what it would be like if I didn't have it. God has used it in a positive way - to make me more determined to fight against abortion and not to be afraid to speak out when necessary. I have volunteered for 2 years at a pro life crises center and I can speak to the mothers as one who has been there. I may be able to see more clearly that my children are gifts and life is so precious. We are truly "fearfully and wonderfully made" as the psalmist says.