In 1975 I had an abortion because I had just graduated from high school and had joined the Army. I was on a six-month waiting list to be deployed for active duty. It was during this time I got pregnant by my boyfriend. He paid for the abortion and I had it two months before I left for the Army.
During the abortion procedure, I experienced the most horrible pain ever. It felt like my insides were being sucked out of me. Immediately after the abortion, I felt ashamed, sad and knew right away what I had done was wrong and regretted my decision. As time went on after the abortion, I experienced low self-esteem, shame, guilt, low self-worth, and didn’t love and care about myself. All these are symptoms of post abortion syndrome that I did not know at the time. I also got a serious infection that damaged one-fourth of my kidney.
Regrettably, I had another abortion after leaving the Army. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I was not a Christian so there was no conviction from God. I blocked out the experience so I would not feel any pain; I was totally numb. Even to this day, I cannot remember the abortion or when it happened. However, because of uncontrollable guilt, I decided to have my tubes tied so I would not kill anymore babies--I was 23 years old.
I found help and forgiveness through Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior in 1990 after becoming a born-again Christian. But it did not stop there. In 1991 I saw a video on aborted babies and realized that I had killed my children. It was not a blob of flesh as was told to me by Planned Parenthood. I cried first, and then I got mad because of the lie that was told me. I started volunteering at pro-life events and learning more about Planned Parenthood. I learned about their plan to eliminate the Black race through genocide (abortions). The more I learned and spoke out, the more God healed my wounds. I am totally forgiven and set free from the shame of my abortions through the love of Jesus Christ and I will not and shall not be put back in a box of guilt and shame again.
In 2000 God blessed me with a four-month-old girl through adoption. He has completely restored me and filled the void in my life. That is why I am SILENT NO MORE about the effect of abortion on women. I want other women who had an abortion to experience this same freedom through Jesus Christ. If God is for us who can be against us?