I sat in church the other day beside my husband, listening to the yearly "Sanctity of Life" message. By now, it is a very familiar message for me. I have heard it many times, and even delivered it myself, both privately to individuals and publicly to large groups. Then the video began. Its message, too, is very familiar to me; the intricate design of life in the womb. Yet today, I was overcome with emotion…again.  It was nearly uncontrolled emotion as I sat there and soaked in the images on the screen. I cried in complete humility of the Truth portrayed in the images, and for God’s amazing grace. I wretched as I tried to contain the sobs coming out of a complete and utter brokenness over the lies that women buy every day. I bought them too, twice…  In 1989 and 1991.

You see...Our 2 babies were not "blobs of tissue." Abortion was not the answer to "fix my problem." Yes, there was an immediate sense of relief that I didn't have to worry about the shame of being pregnant outside of marriage, drop out of Nursing School...or my parents..."O god...what would they say if they found out I was pregnant?" Then the guilt came.  Guilt so overwhelming and consuming, yet I really couldn't even put a finger on. After all...abortion is okay, right? It's legal. Many women have had abortions. It must be okay, right?

Wrong...and oh how wrong I was. Years of battling depression, self-hatred that led to dangerous behaviors and the inability to form solid relationships...even with my other children...consumed me. SILENTLY. No one knew of my "choice"...except one friend, and the father of my babies (the man I leaned on today for support in church). I suffered in SILENCE. Out of guilt, I suppressed my abortions so much so, that I didn't even make a connection between the slow destruction of myself, and the quick destruction of my babies....because... abortion is okay, right?  Over the course of the next 9 years, the self -hatred, anger and depression drove me to the point of attempting suicide in 1998.

And that is where I met HOPE. Hope in the forgiveness of Jesus Christ, who covered the sin of my "choice" with His precious blood on the cross. When I could no longer carry the weight of who I was...a "good person"...who could never seem to get to the point of being good enough...I fell to my knees as my brain screamed "I want to die!"...Praise God, as I cried out, it became not a head cry for death...but a heart cry for life! Forgiveness was immediate... healing from the scars of my "choice" , and being set free from the silence, would come over the next 7 years. Through a private Bible Study, Forgiven & Set Free recovery program, support from a local Crisis Pregnancy Center and God’s abundant mercy, my husband and I experienced healing. We were able to forgive one another, and openly mourn the absence of our babies at a Memorial Service for the Preborn. I still weep from time to time, not as a condemned woman, but in sorrow of not being able to hold my babies on earth. I long for the day I meet them in Heaven.

I can no longer be SILENT...I am a VOICE for truth.

Friends, I know the statistics. 1 in 3 women exercise their "free choice" to abort...and are then in bondage from their decision. If you are one of them, and have not been HEALED & SET FREE...I beg you, please, seek help to recover. Contact me...you will find nothing but compassion here. My heart is breaking for all who have bought the same lie I did...because, NO...abortion is not right....it's just legal.

But forgiveness is a beautiful thing!