When I was eighteen, I started college and I became pregnant. My boyfriend said: "you have to get rid of that". I was shocked for I thought we would get married. And everybody was telling me that having a baby in College would keep me from graduating. So I went to a clinic and I took abortive pills against my will.
I flushed my baby in the toilet and it was horrifying. And it didn’t help me to graduate. It’s been nineteen years and to this day, I don’t have a degree. But after the procedure, I started to experience severe depression and anxiety disorder. I hardened my heart and I became a pro-choice advocate to help me cope with the situation.
Seven years later, I got pregnant again. The father was twice my age and he was abusive. Abortion was the quick fix solution to protect myself and my baby from the abuser. So I went to a clinic and in great anxiety, I was put to sleep. And when I woke up with blood on my legs, I burst into tears and I was inconsolable. I sank deeper and deeper into depression and suicidal thoughts.
Then, I met my husband and he brought Jesus into my life. When I became pregnant with our first child, my abortions resurfaced and the guilt was overwhelming.
I went to counseling and I started to heal. I attended a Rachel’s Vineyard Retreat and finally, I was able to forgive myself and find peace.
Abortion promised to free me from two crisis situations and instead, it has nearly destroyed me. But there is hope for all those who are hurting and it is for them that I am Silent No More.