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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion
 

EXPRESS YOUR REGRET

Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously


 
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I participated in Ottawa in the march for Life and had given testimony to help other women to come forward, break the silence and help others in different times: "And the true will set you free" (from the Catholique Bible).

 

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Changing My Life
Yesenia
New Mexico, United States

I believe with my first abortion that I wasn't sure it was an abortion.  I had no knowledge of what I was doing. I went out of my marriage and had sex with another man. I was scared I would become pregnant, and a friend suggested I take a Plan B pill, which was offered at a local clinic. It would speed up the process of my period, and I wouldn't become pregnant (or that's how it was explained to me.) I went in one morning before work, not telling anyone, and I used a fake address, because I was scared my husband would find out. The nurse/counselor made it seem so easy, like nothing was wrong.  After I was handed a paper bag with condoms and foam, I took my pill and went off to work. I remember the cramps and blood clots. 

A couple of years later, I was single, living life, starting school, and pregnant again.  I didn't know who the father was, and I was so embarrassed that my family suggested I have an abortion. My family knew some home remedies I could use to abort the baby.  I ended up getting sick, and I believed I had an STI, but I was unsure of what was going on.  I was too ignorant to ask and understand what I was doing. I went to an OBGYN, ended up hearing the heartbeat, and immediately changed my mind about aborting. In that moment, I wanted the baby despite everything.  But the infection got so bad that by the following visit the heartbeat was nowhere to be found, and I was rushed for a DC. I was devastated and felt so guilty, knowing what I caused. I had the procedure done on Mother’s Day, and the fact that it was on that date haunted me.  I was around 15 weeks, and I just knew it was a girl. After the procedure the doctor told me my uterus was damaged.  He didn't think I would have children again, as it could be very risky. 

I was broken. At this point I hit rock bottom and became dependent on alcohol, just to erase the memory and numb the pain. Now I wanted a baby more than ever and, to make matters worse, I lost custody of my 3-year-old son. I completely lost myself in the world.  I felt disgusted and so ashamed and no one knew. I planned to take my own life so many times but never had success.  All I wanted was to die. 

I was having sex with anyone, not caring what would happen.  But in the midst of all I was pleading God to let me have a baby girl, the baby girl I thought I had killed, thinking it would still be her. I didn't believe in God. I didn't know about His Word, but something inside me started to pray. I started meeting people that invited me to church, and one day, without knowing, I attended a healing service. The pastor asked that anyone who needed healing to put their hands where they needed the healing, so I put it on my cervix, pleading to be healed and to give me a baby. I needed to know if this God that everyone spoke about was real. I fell to my knees and cried. Days passed, and I forgot all about service, going on with my life, miserable. One day I left work with a bad UTI and make an appointment at the free clinic.  They ran test, and the doctor came in and told me that I was dehydrated and that my pregnancy was causing my UTI. It was like someone slapped me in the face, and all I thought about was that day when I pleaded to God to save me and send me a baby.

Knowing I was pregnant, I promised God that I would change my life for my baby girl.  I knew He was real and would give me that little girl (again I had no knowledge, I just wanted to believe).  That day saved me. I turned my life around for the Lord.  Now I have three children, and we all serve and are part of a ministry.

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