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Healing the Shockwaves of Abortion


Do You Regret Your Abortion or Your Lost Fatherhood? By filling in the form below you can add your expression of regret to our list. All information remains confidential and is presented anonymously

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I Came Out of the Darkness
Washington, United States

In 1995, I became pregnant with my live-in boyfriend.  I contemplated abortion for over 5-weeks while people close to me gave me reasons of why I should have abortion while I tried to convince them and myself that everything would be okay.  I came up with baby names and continued to seek a supportive ear.  I visited Planned Parenthood twice before the abortion.  Over and over, I was told that all the issues I had would go away.  They were going to help me, and it would be better for me to wait to have children when I could afford it.  

The day of the abortion, my mom and I walked in together and she brought her checkbook.  I was numb and somber, sad and depressed that I couldn’t find support.  The staff checking me in was very rude and said that once I paid, I would not get my money back if I left.  They handed me a pill and told me it would be like a strong aspirin or Tylenol, but I started to feel tingly and no feeling.  In the operating room, the nurse barely spoke, just instructed.  The doctor came into the room with a mask on and only spoke with the nurse.  It is a very disturbing feeling to be baring everything and allowing someone to touch you most private space without ever speaking to you.  I wanted to run, but my body couldn’t move.  I cried and the doctor yelled at the nurse saying that he thought I wanted the procedure done! 

After the abortion, my boyfriend and I broke up and got back together several times. A month after the abortion I attempted to take my life while downhill skiing and broke my neck.  Drugs, alcohol, men and a promiscuous life consumed and numbed me until I learned to fake happiness and accept my cold and hardened heart.  I became harsh and mean.  I wanted to be tough because I was so broken inside.  I suffered nightmares, flashbacks and panic attacks for years.  

I was never able to have children naturally.

In August of 2008, (13 years later) I completed a healing bible study called Forgiven and Set Free for women who had had an abortion.  That year and over the next were very hard as I faced truth and learned to forgive many things in my past.  I came out of that darkness a completely new person.  I thank God for never leaving my side, for forgiveness, never ending grace, and the gift of knowledge that I have a son in heaven.  His name is Jared.

I don’t believe that healing, peace, joy and freedom would be possible without my Lord and Savior.  Jesus is my light and life now.  Because of the freedom and forgiveness I have received, I can share my story to help others find healing - and that is why, I am Silent No More!


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