At 41 who is really thinking of having their 5th child? I had previously been told by my doctor that another child could present an issue for me. Due to having 3 c-sections.
The father and I although we have been seeing one another for a few years, it wasn’t serious. I thought to myself I don’t want to go through another pregnancy at 8 weeks my entire body just felt heavy and tired. At first it wasn’t something I wanted to go through with.
The father although an amazing father to his current children at first said he “supported me either way” but as the days went by he leaned more and more towards me having it. I felt a bit pressured but had already made up my mind. Went to the clinic alone where I was given about a 5-minute briefing from the doctor and told to return the next day.
Upon returning it was just cold answers and no eye contact. I asked to see the ultrasound… just to see if I felt any connection. I didn’t. I proceeded to get my pills and prescriptions and went home to “do the deed” I cried so much I felt so bad inside and couldn’t explain why. I took the pills anyway. Scared and feeling “too old to be a mother to yet another kid” I cried myself to sleep for days.
My baby, I realized was a part of me and him and I instantly regretted my decision. It’s since been about 3 weeks post and I am still just numb about it. I’ve kept the ultrasound and I look and ask for forgiveness daily about what I did. I’m not proud of it at all but I’m working through it emotionally. Praying that I can be forgiven.