Most traumatic experience of my life

I felt trapped by the situation -- I did not allow myself to consider any alternatives and no one offered any. The baby's father provided financial support and my best friend provided emotional support.

At the time I thought I had information, I believed that I knew everything that could make a difference. I had never heard of post-abortion sickness or that there could be any emotional problems afterward.

The abortion procedure did not go well. The doctor was not satisfied with the amount of "tissue" removed by the first suction and proceeded to do to a second time. He was still not satisfied and advised me to go immediately for an ultra sound to check for a tubule pregnancy. This was terribly stressful.

After the abortion I began suffering from depression, self-destructive behavior, and severe blind rage. The relationship I was in began to deteriorate rapidly. I did not connect these problems with the abortion when I tried to make the connection I was told that I was crazy. I began to believe it. Finally one day in the library, I picked up the book "Aborted Women". I felt like I had found a long lost friend.

To deal with the abortion, I have been going to therapy. In seeking God's forgiveness, I have been able to forgive those involved. My own forgiveness has been slower and I still find myself wondering "what if".

The abortion has changed my life because it has been the most traumatic experience of my life. It has been in my thoughts everyday. As I have grown in the Lord and experienced the healing process I have begun to reach out and I am involved in post-abortion counseling.