The Pro Life Front Lines: The Joy and Grief of an Ultra Sound Tech

Mike Stack, who served for many years as an ultra sound technician and Regional Coordinator with the Silent No More Awareness Campaign went home to the Lord on August 14 2014.

Here is Mike’s important reflection for our November focus in the Shockwaves Initiative.  Mike shares of the joy and deep grief as an ultra sound tech with a pregnancy resource center.  He reveals the need for awareness and support for those on the front lines of the abortion battle and the blessing of emotional and spiritual healing of the complicated grief that can be part of the experience:

A little piece of my heart

By Mike Stack

A little piece of my heart is wounded each time we are unable to help a woman turn from her plan to abort the tiny human life within her womb. As an Ultrasound Technician for the past 35 years, I have had the honor of witnessing the work of the Lord, in the womb. “I knit you together in your Mother’s womb…” Psalm 139:13.

I have seen and documented the development of tiny humans as they progress through different stages of their lives. “You were made in My image” Genesis 1:27 “You are fearfully and wonderfully made” Psalms 139:14. “Even the very hairs on your head are numbered” Matthew 10:29-31. I have watched the children jump and stretch, stick their tongues out, yawn, suck their thumb, show me if they’re a boy or girl, listen their heart beat, measure their bones and waist size.

I have been privileged to watch their growth through the various stages of human development and share that view with their parents and our Creator. I can’t help but be attached to them, because I know them; I have seen and heard them. I have watched them play.

Many Post Abortion women have commented that a piece of their heart died with their aborted child, just like any parent that looses a child. It doesn’t matter what stage of development. What matters is that those that have lost a child have a deep grief.  Grief that is made worse when it is a secret, when there is no support for your grieving, no memorial, no family gathering. It’s as if the child never existed.

The survivors of the abortion try to go on with their lives as if this child did not exist. For many women and men this causes a festering wound that must be kept secret, the pain denied, until they are desperate enough to seek healing.

I found myself in a similar, secret (hidden) grieving place and didn’t know where to turn for help.

I am certainly moved by both the joy and the sorrow of the outcome following the Ultrasound at the Crisis Pregnancy where I volunteer. The Joy part is great. When we save a little one I’m reminded of the parable of the good Shepherd, how our Father values each and every one of us (especially the lost ones). When we lose one of these little ones it is hard to express the depth of my grief. These children touch my heart as I view them on the Ultrasound screen. A little piece of my heart dies each time we are unable to help the mother see her way to giving birth.

I found the place to turn to when I attended a Post-abortion recovery weekend retreat (Rachael’s Vineyard). To my surprise the grief I had been carrying came forth in uncontrolled, sobbing tears. I was grieving the loss of so many children I had come to know. I knew the torment that they went through and I knew of the pain that their parents were dealing with. With the other participants I went through the grieving and recovery process. Representing the children who I grieve, I picked names for them and memorialized their brief life on earth. I received a certificate of Life for Tanisha, Jawan, Bridget, Lawanda, Keesha, Brendan, Anton, Thomas, Joseph and Andrew. I entrust these children to the creator of life, recognizing the dignity and gift of each and every one of them.

I join the voices of those that are Silent No More.