I stand before you today, a whole woman with a whole heart. But it was not always that
way. In a time of deep despair, hopelessness and thoughts of suicide, my heart had
been ripped apart by the decisions to abort my babies. Having been a product of the
free-love 60’s, I saw many of my friends have abortions.
My feelings on the subject had remained neutral until I faced that choice myself, and
believed the lies I was told. I had become numb after the first abortion, so when I was asked as a new nurse graduate, to assist a doctor in my hospital with 3 second-trimester abortions, I didn’t argue.
I spent most of my time with just one of the women, who was in her sixth month. She
told me she had discovered her husband was having an affair and wanted him to pay. She was going to lie to him about the abortion, and say that catching him with the woman had caused a miscarriage.
This “pay-back” baby, when delivered, was a perfectly formed little boy—and alive.
Badly burned by the saline, he was then roughly checked by the physician who dropped
him in a bucket at his feet, and for what seemed like an eternity, I heard him gasping for
breath until, finally, there was silence. I went home sick that night, and slept little.
Two marriages and another abortion later, I found myself experiencing a syndrome of
symptoms that is a form of PTSD, known as post-abortion stress. Destructive
relationships, horrific nightmares, alcohol and drug use, and an inability to be around
babies without an overwhelming sense of guilt—are just a few of the things I
experienced. Later, after having children, I became increasingly depressed and I sought counseling. I located a wonderful Christian counselor and found forgiveness and grace in a relationship with Jesus Christ and recovered from my symptoms.
Jesus gave me a miraculous gift by showing me, through a dream, how my babies had
prayed for my salvation—because without that, they would never get to meet their
mother. They are in Heaven waiting for me and someday I will hold them.
If you could see my heart today, you would still see the mended cracks of its
brokenness. Not because the healing is incomplete, but because Jesus allows us to
remember what He did for us, so we can help others put their pieces back together.
I did that by becoming the nurse manager at a pregnancy resource center, and
performing ultrasounds on abortion-minded women. There is nothing more rewarding
than seeing a woman, who is bound for abortion, weep and then smile, as she sees her
baby moving its arms and legs, witness his heartbeat—and then chooses life.
These painful moments in my past have transformed into a powerful passion to end the
holocaust of abortion . . . and each one of us who lets the world know that they will be
“Silent no more,” possesses that same passion within them. Thank you.